Do you believe the universe sends us signals? I do and man have they been coming in fast and furious lately. I’m still figuring out what to do with it, but the message is clear:
Couples are struggling with raising kids in the modern world.
- There was the call from a woman frustrated with her partner because they are fighting all the time over household chores. Even though they’ve been together, running their house for years, she’s not sure if they should stay together or if this is the new normal.
- There was the friend who is recently divorced and coming to terms with how she was enveloped into her former relationship over the years of wife and mom duties and thus isn’t quite sure exactly who she is today.
- And there is the Michelle Obama clip from her interview with The Revolt. It hit the social media airwaves lightening fast because she admits she “hated her husband for ten years” and of course it was during the time when her children were small.
The funny part about that last one is that I didn’t even bat an eye when I heard it. My only reaction was, thank you for sharing what we all think sometimes!
Parenting is hard. Parenting is this century might be harder than it’s ever been (don’t tell your mom or grandma I said that.) We’ve got the internet, smart devices and all the apps that come with them to navigate alongside regular developmental milestones and transitions that are tough all by themselves.
We have our own stuff, from childhood and they way we were parented, that triggers behaviors in ourselves that we don’t love. We have roles and definitions of identity that we’ve been taught that may not resonate with who we feel we are way down deep inside. We may not even be able to identify who we feel we are way down deep because who has the time?
Everything is changing fast and we’re breaking our backs trying to keep up.
Oh, and let’s not forget a global pandemic that has left even the most formerly content of us burned out in a way that’s difficult to heal, because we’re burned out on our lives. We’re not burned out because of something we can easily quit or move away from or even want to do that as a solution.
Wrap all that up with the “you can have it all if you just hustle hard enough” bow that is being tied around women and we’ve got ourselves a nice package of parenting as relationship killer.
This may not seem like my normal Love Note full of hope and joy, but it is. The reason I can offer hope is because I know parenting is hard but I also know it doesn’t have to hurt. Ms. Obama followed up her opinion of those hard ten years with the truth that she wouldn’t trade them for the results-her kids and her relationship. Because what she has now makes it all worth it.
I know that too. Parenting is hard, but it is also really rewarding if you get what you need to feel supported in the work. That is why I keep creating courses and programs to address the very issues for which moms need support. Doing the work, even when it’s hard, can lead to great joy, peace and all the other warm and fuzzy stuff you imagined for yourself when you decided to become a parent to begin with.
Parenting today is hard, but with the right support, it can also be the stuff of dreams.
You got this. I know that too.